Ky guy

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Ky guy

So, I just got the letters and information for the Annual Down Syndrome Buddy Walk. It is October 10th. Whenever I get these letters, I don't know what to think. On one hand I really don't feel like I belong to that "Down Syndrome" group. On the other hand, it would be really great to get to know other people who have a child with Down syndrome. In my mind, Kyler is extremely high functioning and I know that at some point in time he will do EVERYTHING Taegen and other little kids do. Right now he is working on riding a bike. Last year he was working on walking. Now he runs, jumps off everything, rolls, etc. I don't ever want to underestimate him but I also need to remember that he does have Down syndrome. We also get a lot of pamphlets and stuff from Special Olympics. I usually throw it away. I want my kid to play sports with all the other kids. I want Taegen and Kyler to be on the same team. I don't want him to get preferential treatment BUT what if he does need preferential treatment. I don't want to hold him back from things that would be fabulous for him just because I don't want to deal with the label of "special needs or special Olympics." See. My thoughts are sometimes confused about what I think about having a child with "special needs". I know that he is special just like I know that Taegen and Strider are special. I know that he has Down syndrome. I also have really grown to hate the R word - retard. I have decided that when I hear people say that I call them on it. Some of you may attest to that. I don't do this to make the other people feel stupid or rude. I do it to help others be aware that that word is offensive. I would hope that it would be offensive to everybody and not just a mom with a special needs kid. Although, I used to say it too, which makes me feel bad. It's funny how perspective changes everything. I worked at a special needs camp when I was like 13 years old or something. I was assigned to be with a Down syndrome girl for 3 days - day and night. I HATED her. Seriously, hate is putting it nicely. I could not handle her at all. Then when I found out about Kyler I thought I was being punished for hating this little girl. Don't get me wrong. I was extremely nice to her and totally did my job for the duration of the camp. I didn't fall in love with her at all but I was very nice and helpful. I LOVE Kyler, that's probably an understatement. I don't love him more or less than Taegen and Strider. I love all my kids differently but the same. Does that make sense? I think if I worked at that camp now, I would probably still really not like her. Just because I have a child with Down syndrome doesn't mean that I LOVE everybody that has Down syndrome. That's like saying, because I have Taegen, I will LOVE all little boys. Ya right! I don't. Most kids bug me. However, because I have a Down syndrome son I can relate more so than others would to parents or people with Down syndrome. It's like this. Before I had kids, Ryan and I hung out and did a lot with our young, married, no-kids friends. After we had kids, we didn't have as much in common with them. We were still friends but we made new friends. Friends with kids. Friends with families. So, maybe I should make NEW friends with people who have a Down syndrome child. It's not a necessity but it might be nice to compare stories and feelings. Maybe then, I wouldn't have to vent about my random thoughts on my blog.

I ADORE my boys. I really do. They always amaze me and make me laugh and make me happy and really are my driving force. Anyways, I don't really know what the point is to this long, rambling post. Other than the fact that maybe I really haven't dealt with Kyler's diagnosis to the point that I thought I had. Maybe I will just have hard times and good times. Maybe no matter how much I accept his diagnosis - I really won't ever REALLY accept it. I want him to have all the opportunities as my other boys. I want him to be treated the same. I want him to be loved. I want him to play sports and go to school with all the other kids his age. I want him to be happy.